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#714869 - 06/16/08 10:07 AM
son being teased, getting me upset!
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backpain2007
Banned. Too much trouble...
Veteran
Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 716
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ok, I know some may say I am overreacting but my beautifal 8 yr old son is getting teased at school. He comes home every day and is so happy and loves school but sometime he tells me about how some kids are making fun of him. He is super nice, almost too nice. I try and teach him to act normal and not just laugh it off when they are rough housing. But honestly, this is really killing me inside. The fact that he is in 2nd grade, he is so innocent, here I am, able to do nothing but say "oh, its normal for boys". Luckily he does have friends and has fun but it hurts me so bad to see other kids laugh at him or walk away when he comes up to school and wait in line (I have walked up with him before and have seen this myself 1st hand)
I don't know what to do, I hate to admit it but he has some annoying habits and I am trying to tell him not to do them but he doesn't want to listen. I don't know what to do, teacher says all is well, aids say all is well. But I know he is getting messed with and picked on a little, or at least laughed at like the weird kid. Its really hurting me inside. I love him to death and would do anything for him. To know what he has to put up with just makes me so sad and I feel helpless. Sorry, had to vent that. Anyone else have kids and find that these things happen ?
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#714879 - 06/16/08 10:42 AM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: backpain2007]
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TXgirl
Board Addict
Registered: 09/26/06
Posts: 338
Loc: North Carolina
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I totally know what you're going through. My poor little girl just had a very rough year with half of her longtime "friends" suddenly turning on her, supposedly because they decided she didn't dress "cool enough". We are talking 10 year old girls here! I thought this sort of thing didn't happen until the teenage years, but these girls are absolute little B*****S!
My daughter is somewhat a tomboy and loves her t shirts and shorts. She could care less about Abercrombie, Polo, etc. She actually handled the whole situation much better than I did! I wanted to go to the school and strangle those girls, but the school counselor suggested I let my daughter fight her own battles and handle things her way. And you know what? She did just fine.
She had a few visits with the counselor, and I'm not sure of all that was said, but things started getting better. My daughter got really good at just shrugging off the ugly comments from the other girls, and pretty soon, the girls suddenly wanted to hang out with her again!
Just teach your son that bullies are actually wimps on the inside. They are usually insecure and have their own problems. They bully other children to get some sort of reaction; tell your son to simply ignore them, not give them what they want. Tell him to stick close to his true friends and pay no attention to the other little punks.
Good luck to you and your little boy! I swear, being a mom is the hardest job in the world with all the worry we experience over our little ones. All we want is for them to be safe, happy, and healthy and we would do anything in the world for them, but sometimes, the best thing we can do is to let them handle and figure out some problems on their own (with some pep talks from us of course!).
Take care! 
Edited by TXgirl (06/16/08 10:43 AM)
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#714916 - 06/16/08 11:34 AM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: Hurtin4eva]
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mentoramy05
GRAND Pooh-Bah
Registered: 02/15/06
Posts: 2058
Loc: In your Eyes
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Oh....So sad.
I hope things get better....
I think us "moms" often wonder how it is in school, for our kids.
Mine are both in elementary school.....totally opposite of each other.....my daughter will make friends with ANYONE, but my son, well, he acts kinda shy.
I personally do what I can do on my side, to see that they do not get treated unfairly, but I can't do it all and unfortunately, we parents have no control on what takes places, in the classroom......
I will admit, I am the worse for buying Abercrombie & Hollister for both of them (especially my son) The class and teacher have actually said something to him because that is just about the only brands he wears.......still doesn't stop other kids from being mean, regardless of name brands and such........some children are just BRATS (Mine are at times, but not like some others I have met)
To make, a long story short.....it doesn't matter what children are wearing or the brands.......kids will be kids.....unfortunate, it seems that too many children get picked on in school and that is so so sad 
I hope things do get better 
I personally think UNIFORMS should be mandatory in all schools, so then children can't be labeled and parents will not feel they need to spend so much on name brands...just me though...
_________________________
The only thing worth stealing, in life, is a kiss from a sleeping child.
ALWAYS Treat others the way YOU want to be treated
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#714934 - 06/16/08 12:26 PM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: TXgirl]
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jehza1
Veteran
Registered: 02/28/08
Posts: 534
Loc: Southwest US
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I totally know what you're going through. My poor little girl just had a very rough year with half of her longtime "friends" suddenly turning on her, supposedly because they decided she didn't dress "cool enough". We are talking 10 year old girls here! I thought this sort of thing didn't happen until the teenage years, but these girls are absolute little B*****S! My daughter is somewhat a tomboy and loves her t shirts and shorts. She could care less about Abercrombie, Polo, etc. She actually handled the whole situation much better than I did! I wanted to go to the school and strangle those girls, but the school counselor suggested I let my daughter fight her own battles and handle things her way. And you know what? She did just fine. She had a few visits with the counselor, and I'm not sure of all that was said, but things started getting better. My daughter got really good at just shrugging off the ugly comments from the other girls, and pretty soon, the girls suddenly wanted to hang out with her again! Just teach your son that bullies are actually wimps on the inside. They are usually insecure and have their own problems. They bully other children to get some sort of reaction; tell your son to simply ignore them, not give them what they want. Tell him to stick close to his true friends and pay no attention to the other little punks. Good luck to you and your little boy! I swear, being a mom is the hardest job in the world with all the worry we experience over our little ones. All we want is for them to be safe, happy, and healthy and we would do anything in the world for them, but sometimes, the best thing we can do is to let them handle and figure out some problems on their own (with some pep talks from us of course!). Take care!
I completely agree with you. I think sometimes as parents we project what we think our kids are feeling, when in reality, if we just let them fight their own battles they learn to be resileint and are stronger for it. Easier said than done, admittedly. My daughter starts Montessori school in the fall, and I worry about how she will "fit in" amongst her mates. But as with most things, my worrying is needless, she tends to rebound quicker from her pitfalls than I do at times. But it seems to be endemic to motherhood, this worrying. I'm sorry for your son, though. It's easy for me to theorize when I haven't had to experience it first hand.
_________________________
The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead.
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#714955 - 06/16/08 01:03 PM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: jehza1]
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mentoramy05
GRAND Pooh-Bah
Registered: 02/15/06
Posts: 2058
Loc: In your Eyes
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I do believe it is the parent responsibility to do their part (the biggest part) in raising their child and teaching them right from wrong.
Regardless, of how children are taught at home does not always reflect the childs attitude in school.
I also teach my children that everyone is different and to NEVER tease other children, regardless!!!!!
I personally also have my children take their "old" clothing and toys and give to children that are less fortunate than them........this is something great that every child will LOVE to do and it makes them understand what is not important to them, is like gold to another child.
I personally do the name brands because I know how children can be and I don't want my children to not be able to "fit in", so to speak......brand names have NOTHING to do with how children are raised........
As we all know.....we tell our children one thing and at times, they do go against it.....we, as parents, can only do as we are able and teach our children the best we can......
Every child needs to be taught and learn what is right and what is wrong......material items should not mean anything, but we all know that, in school, they unfortunately do......that is why I think uniforms would be a great idea for all schools....
_________________________
The only thing worth stealing, in life, is a kiss from a sleeping child.
ALWAYS Treat others the way YOU want to be treated
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#714960 - 06/16/08 01:13 PM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: mentoramy05]
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backpain2007
Banned. Too much trouble...
Veteran
Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 716
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luckily we are not at the stage of clothing brand being an issue, we live in a school district that has both rich and middle class but I think the girls are more into the "brands" than the boys, but at this age, 2nd grade, it hasn't been an issue. I get great reviews from the teachers and aids, my son always comes home happy but there are times when he talks about being teased and we have friends on the block who he plays with there kids and the kids will say "oh, all the kids in my class (think my sons name) is annoying and don't like him", I swear I want to smack that kid upside the head, he is also a piece of work but my son likes playing with him. Unfortunatly, when I try and get my son to play ball or something he just isn't into it, or if I try and tell him not to do stuff like get in peoples faces and laugh hard he just gets annoyed. I am trying to let him know what pisses others off, being bossy, being annoying and I want him to stick up for himself. But, like I was when I was a kid, I never stood up for myself. I just get heartbroken when I here things being said like "all the kids think he is weird" Its getting to the point where it is really getting to me, I am pissed at the neighbors kids for being aholes, I watch when they all play and I see the 2 brothers laugh occasionaly at my son or trick him and my son doesn't even mind, I try and tell him to do something, like something simple, when in the pool, splash back when they start splashing him. Instead he laughs and goes under water and the kids laugh and I can here them say "see, he's scared". Oooooh, man I want to clober the little punk for stuff like that.
I better stop, I am getting pissed just talking about it. At least my son does well in school and does have friends, I just hate the teasing from some of the so called friends when we are so nice to them.
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#714966 - 06/16/08 01:43 PM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: mentoramy05]
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jehza1
Veteran
Registered: 02/28/08
Posts: 534
Loc: Southwest US
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I personally do the name brands because I know how children can be and I don't want my children to not be able to "fit in", so to speak......brand names have NOTHING to do with how children are raised........
As we all know.....we tell our children one thing and at times, they do go against it.....we, as parents, can only do as we are able and teach our children the best we can......
Every child needs to be taught and learn what is right and what is wrong......material items should not mean anything, but we all know that, in school, they unfortunately do......that is why I think uniforms would be a great idea for all schools....
I both agree and disagree. I agree that giving your children the best you can afford certainly does no harm. However, "emphasing" such things as being of uber importance is detrimental, as "labeling" sets kids up to be "labelers" themselves. (I'm assuming by the nature of your posts that you are not one of these parents, I'm just making a general argument). My daughter dresses well, as do I, but i am not cognizant of what brands we buy. If we like it, we buy it. Often she wants to go out in her tu tu, gold "squeaky" shoes and an Elmo t-shirt, and I let her, as she is not yet two, and is just learning to choose for herself. But I all too often see parents who let their children "bully" them into purchasing things above their means, and this I think is harmful to both the child and the parent.
We all like to express ourselves, and an extension of this is the way that we dress. But to do so at all costs is what I am getting at. Plus, the child never learns the value of anything, and therefore enters the world as an adult with high expectations that are often not realistic (i.e. driving a BMW your freshman year of college, or not being friends with someone who doesn't).
I was a lucky kid, and did not want for much (when I got older, as naturally my parents income's increased as they aged) but we were poor when I was in elementary school. Girls can be relentless, and I often found myself wanting things just to conform, not out of actual desire. I as long as you are teaching your children to be giving and accepting of others, then what you buy them is pretty irrevelant. Unfortunately, these things don't always go hand in hand, is my point.
_________________________
The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead.
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#714974 - 06/16/08 01:53 PM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: jehza1]
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backpain2007
Banned. Too much trouble...
Veteran
Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 716
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all I want is to be a good dad and my son happy. He is happy, but it just breaks my heart to see such a nice boy get teased, I fear the later years. I guess what started me on this thread was a bad dream I had last night, something about being being beatin up on a school bus, I woke up at like 1am and could not fall asleep.
Luckily he is a big kid for his age, he has my wifes gene's and here brothers are about 6'6" and my son is pretty tall for his age, I know its only a small thing but at least he isn't a scrawny shrimp like I was. Man, after that dream, I was freaked out!
I guess the mix of being tired, feeling like [censored] and all just got to me. I can't imagine if the school was one of the bad school districts where there are constant fights, here, they have a pretty good no-tolerance to anything and the teasing is the worse when it does occur and the teachers are aware of any teasing (usually).
I don't know, I tried karate for my kid and he got sick of it, maybe I just gotta try and get him to understand that he really needs to stick up for himself, but I have in the past and he doesn't want to here it. Its like he doesn't care or know that he is being laughed at at times.
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#714997 - 06/16/08 02:32 PM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: backpain2007]
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Bluefairy
Threadhead
Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 839
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The name-brand thing is why almost all public and private schools in MS now have uniforms. Despite what nay-sayers have said about it, my kids, nieces & nephews, and cousins all say it is a real equalizer. The private/parochial schools are more specific, with plaid skirts/skorts, saddle oxford shoes, etc. Public schools are more khaki pants/capris with specific color polos and school specific sweatshirts. Some have put "ceiling" prices on clothes, by prohibiting specific brands or any obvious brands. It is common that the polo-style shirts can have NO visible emblem.
So Old-Navy, Walmart, and Target are the norm,unless it is from the generic uniform store that every mall in MS now has.
Now,on to the OP's son.
Is he unhappy? All kids get teased to an extent, and it sucks. Kids can be very mean. If he does not seem to want to change whatever it is that you and others have noticed, could it be that the teasing is not bothering him the way it is bothering you? If he is at all unhappy then it needs to be addressed, I am not downplaying it at all. I just know that different kids have different tolerance levels for that sort of thing, despite the fact that none of them should ever have to deal with it.
Could you be more specific, only if you do not mind. Someone might have more clear ideas on how to help if we knew the nature of the problem.
_________________________
Come out, come out, wherever you are ......
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#715729 - 06/17/08 07:47 PM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: musician7]
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darkmantis
Board Addict
Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 397
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I used to be very timid in elementary school and never had a problem with being bullied until I reached the high school level. There was this kid who was my size, but he obviously came from a rougher background. Immediately, he knew I was a target and bullied me everyday. I put up for it for 3 years!!!! THREE YEARS! I was so scared of this kid, who was no larger than me. He was on the wrestling team, so that sort of scared me. Well..to make a short story out of what would be a rather long tale of bulling, I became a teacher's assistant in wood shop in my junior year. Well, this bully-punk was in my class and started it with me out of the blue, like he normally does. But this time, I just decided to overcome my fears. I was walking past him when he started talking smack, I put down the wood that I was carrying and said, "excuse me? What did you say?"
This obviously threw him because most of the time I would just walk away - or say "leave me alone" or some stuff like that.
He said, "I said you were a ....."
I punched him right in the face. And kept throwing punches repeatedly. He got a few off at me, but nothing landed and as our friends pulled us apart he took a cheap shot and punched me in the jewels...so to say.. I called him a big "p#ssy" and said, "Anytime you ugly, coward! bring it! I had enough of his s!" Guess what? In a moment's instance, what went on for 3 years of hell - ended in a blink of an eye. I was at the point where I didn't care if I broke my nose, black eye or got a fat lip. I was so sick it wasn't funny.
So I say, tell your kid just to man up and the next time the kid comes up and starts in on him, out of nowhere, your son should just punch him in the face and keep punching until someone pulls him off or he had enough! A lot of us guy's come from broken homes and no dad's in the picture. We need our fathers and older brothers to teach us how to stand up. Mom's love us, but don't understand how difficult it is being a "guy". And in this day and age with the politically correct, "turn the other cheek" message, as a guy, you'll get beat down all the time. It's better to stand up for yourself and get beat down than get beat down all the time and never stand up for yourself. If your son doesn't have his dad in the picture or an older brother to learn from, he should just go balls out and start fighting back. It doesn't matter if he loses the fight or not, because now that bully knows if he comes looking for a fight - looking to bully your son, he might just get beat on. Bullies are cowards looking for the victim. This will teach your son so many things in life and I'm telling you, he'll thank you for it later in life. I know I feel better as a person, and as a man.
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#715756 - 06/17/08 08:34 PM
Re: son being teased, getting me upset!
[Re: darkmantis]
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Faith2005
Enthusiast
Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 267
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hi Backpain .. It breaks my heart to hear how cruel some children can be,, I was teased as many of us were , and the one thing my mom and dad told me that really helped me was when people make fun of you its usually because they dont feel good about themselves and lash out at others to make themselves feel better ,Of course mom and daddy told me in a lingo I could better relate to ,but it held the same message , And as I got older and hungout with the cool crowd ,while they sometimes would tease others I never would ,and I would scold them for doing it ,I think sometimes as odd as this may sound I learned something from being teased as a child as it taught me to always treat others the way I wanted to be treated , and be a kind and caring person,.. I wish your little boy all the joy in the world , take care sincerely Faith
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One would steal my son's toys and he would tell his mother they traded but there was nothing my son had . I did put a stop to that. 