Hi BryansFan!!,
Thanks for thinking of me...I haven't been on the boards much at all. I'm spending some time on a board called HealthBoards where there is an Addiction and Recovery board that I check here and there. I miss this board however, as it was my first, in purchasing meds, and my last, in finding support after the fiasco! I've been tapering myself off of the Suboxone...I got from 16mg down to 2mg and it was nothing...I tapered from 16 to 8 to 4 to 2 in about a month and it was easy...then I heard the really tough part is going from 2-1 or 2mg to .5 or .2mg....I got scared and over one rough weekend just started to increase the sub. I don't know why b/c it's not like the sub does anything to help with panic, anxiety, depression, etc. I have this crazy fear that I'm going to get hurt or in an accident and because I'm on such a high dose of sub, they won't be able to treat my pain with opiates. So, I'm going to try to get back down to a comfortable level and stick to it for awhile like a few months at least so that if something does occur, I'll be ok to go off the sub and get it out of my system fairly quickly but still will have enough sub in my system to control cravings and have the opiates blocked.....that is my newest, latest and greatest idea...whatcha think?
I always have to "do my own thing" thinking I know better than my doc does. I also have thought that if I can maintain on 1mg or 2mg of sub, it will be lots easier going off of it when the time comes, right?
How are things with all of you guys? Melpat, BF?? Hope things are going well for you, too!

Take care,
woodrow

So glad to hear from you, Woodrow! It sounds like you are doing a little better these days!

It was easy for me to drop down from the higher doses, too. Once I got to 2mg, I then started doing 1 mg in the morning, 1mg in the late afternoon. Then when I was comfortable with that, I would skip a day in between. If your goal is to stay on sub and just be on a lower dose, the 1mg or 2mg would be fine for that, I would think. I will be honest with you though (not to scare in any way, just being honest), it is rough going from 1mg on. I honestly did not think I would make it. The PAWS seemed to last forever and I still do not feel 100% normal even now. Some mornings I still feel the all over achy bones feeling and the deep depression that comes with withdrawals. But the mornings are fewer and far between and I have learned to cope. I did not have a good Sub doc though. You seem to have a better Dr. and I am sure when you get ready, there will be "comfort" meds to help, as I had none. Just do what is best for you. You do know your own body better than anyone else, so if you find the perfect dose for you, then so be it!

I faced the same thing with the support group that you did. My town is very small and there is one AA group. No N/A, no business meetings, etc. It also seems like no one really is concerned that I couldn't find support. I did go to AA, like I mentioned, but even they treated me as an outcast because to them, a chronic pain patient is not the same as what they did, so I felt very uncorfortable with the looks I got and the questiions I was asked. Not bashing AA, but this group was not supportive of me. You took an amazing pro-active step with the article and I am so sorry it has not paid off yet. It is hard, isn't it? Just know that we support you and are here and I sure hope you can find someone local to talk with, too! I am going to check out the other forum you mentioned!

Again, glad to hear from you and wishing you the best!!!

I wonder if there isn't a web based support group of some sort. There are loads of prgrams that allow users to "host" or drive these meetings, and perhaps something like that would be an idea to look into for support.
Just a thought!

It should never surprise you about the reasons you can come up with to convince yourself that taking more of your drug of choice is an appropriate thing to do while tapering. But, in reality, it very rarely is.
Please forget about your fear regarding adequate pain treatment in an acute situation. That should not ever be a problem if you are careful to inform healthcare workers about your Suboxone treatment.
I have to ask you how you feel now about doing your own thing and knowing better than your doctors? Is that pretty much what got you into the situation you're dealing with now trying to get off the opiate treadmill?
It should certainly be easier to quit the Suboxone if you can taper down to less than 2mg/day. Just take it easy and remember that the lower you go, the slower you should go. Also, going back up in dosage level is something you should avoid at all costs.

Woodrow, Also, loads of people say it that Sub is harder to taper and come off of the lower the dose gets. Meaning that tapering is not too bad at dosages above say 4mg, but when you get to the 1-2mg dose, you may start to feel some w/d symptoms.
Because of the strength and half-life of Sub, taking more for an acute phase is not effective anyway.
I do however totally understand what you mean about your feelings in your post, but as long as providers are aware of your Sub intake, they will be able to give you adaquate pain relief in an emergency. This is why most Sub patients carry a medical ID card that describes their Sub history. My Sub Doc gave me one when I started Sub, and updated it for me every time she changed my dose.

Thanks for the advice and encouragement friends. I did talk to my doc and I do totally trust his judgement and he says around 6 months, which will be on December 23rd, we'll start talking about tapering and he says he does a very slow taper and when it gets hard, there are helpful meds to deal with some of the symptoms of w/d's. I really, really like him and have so much respect for him. He's young, late 30's, just a few years younger than me, and a bit odd but he is brilliant. You can tell just by chatting with him and he has this dry sense of humor. With a totally straight face when I asked him, "should I notice any difference when I increase my Effexor? (He had just upped it a bit) and he says, "if you see the refrigerator talking to you then, yes, you'd better give me a call". He's quite goofy.
Well, I have to thank you SO much bryansfan for sending me an email at my suboxsupport site! It just made me happy to open the email and see something there! Even if it is the only thing there!! I just went and had my substance abuse assessment yesterday and am going to try this outpatient group that is mostly DWI folks that are in drug Court so they're highly motivated to stay sober or they have time to serve....my counselor said it won't be like a suboxone support group but there are many professional people that can probably relate to much of my story anyway....I forged an Rx about 4 years ago and I was so lucky to get a suspended imposition of sentence and 1 year probabion so after I completed that 1 year, it was wiped off my record. So, I'm hoping this will be a good group. At least it will be a group of addicts/alcoholics sitting in the same room that I can look at and talk to!!
Hope you all are well and healthy.

Take care,
Woodrow

Woodrow,
Your admission of forging the rx made me think of my actions when I was activly taking opiates, and OMG the things I would do without any thought of the consequence. Things I can't imagine myself doing now, yet I did them anyway. Sometimes when I am in a dark mood, I think back to some of those things, and I am so ashamed. I have to tell myself that it wasn't me in my right or normal state of thought, or else I would never forgive myself.
Example: I wouldn't in a million years take a penny from a friend without them knowing it, yet I would raid their medicine cabinets every time I visited. Now, I realize that stealing is stealing, but again if I don't try to rationalize it in some way, I would be so depressed it actually scares me at what I might do.
This is just another way to prove the horrible powerful hold these drugs have over addicts. It makes us do, say, think, and feel things we would never dream of when we are not under their influence.
In AA/NA there is a "step" that directs you to "make amends to those you have hurt or injured". I could not bring myself to do this 100%, and instead I wrote letters to some of the people, and never sent them. I have them in my little "safe place", and even though I didn't send them, just writing them helped alot. I poured my heart out in some of them, and then reading it on paper was healing in it's own way.
The same thing about my first admission of my addiction. The instant I started telling my hubby, I felt like the burden of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry for my post of reflection!!!