I understand about the scare issues, they are embarrassing. I know whenever I hand money to a store clerk, they probably notice them and wonder what happened. It's pretty obvious that my scares aren't an 'accident' because of how it look across my wrists.

MisfitToy, what you can do to hide your scars it simply wear jewelry. Buy a few stylish bracelets and wrist bans - they look good and you won't have to worry about folk's noticing your arm.....and the next time someone is rude asks you what happened - just ignore them and walk way.

I really wish there was a way to quickly clear up my cuts and burns.

I am feeling very discounted lately. I feel like Rodney Dangerfield in "no respect." I try to treat people with kindness and consideration, but it doesn't seem as though it is ever returned. There have been some kind people on the boards, but it seems that the only time they want to talk is when their meds are missing. Then when they get them they disappear. I am probably guilty of that.
Anyway, It is not just the way the OCS's have been lately, it is just that it seems that everything is going wrong and no one has gone out of their way to make my life easier when I am always doing for others. I do so many free legal things for people it is ridiculous. I have been stretching out meds because of holiday so maybe this is making me more sensitive, but I take them very judiciously--always have enough. I had enough carry me through the weekend and holiday,so it isn't that. I just feel blown off by people. I see others getting treated as they should--same day service, yet not me, not my husband (new to OCS world). The point is, others don't seem to be treated like this as far as I can tell by their writing to me. The current climate in the OCS world, and where it is going concerns me, but it is more that others needs are served and I am blown off that hurts. Well, thanks for letting me share. I do believe in Karma so I will continue to treat people well and help when I can, but it doesn't make me feel any better about how I am treated "not as well" as other customers in the OCS world and life in general. I think I am mistaken for a pushover .
So much for not complaining and being positive. Any feedback would be appreciated. Again, I am not depressed, feeling sorry for self or whatever, I just wonder why I keep getting short end of stick. I am frustrated and disappointed in others.

hi dharma,

we all get the short end of the stick -- it just seems that you are being singled out, because you're down right now.

i'll be the first to say this -- life is tough. and sometimes one has to be tough or get trampled on. i've tried both and it feels better to be nice and thoughtful -- but it also feels good to let off steam and tell people who get to you -- whatever comes to mind.

anyway, most of us have been there and some of us are "out there". it ain't so bad when you vent, it's human.

best,
lo

AMEN!

i would suggest getting your hands on some quality drugs. they will help. class A drugs are always good. get properly messed up.

How old are you? 12?

sorry it was pretty immature of me to say that.

please accept my apologies.

Of course.

Only when I see O & W is around. Just kiddding! The guy is a stand-up person and I've learned to love him!

Hey now... Everyone doesn't have to know..

I dealt with chronic depression until I was able to get my CP condition properly treated. As of the last few months with having to scale way down on my pain meds and not having a plan as to the next step the depression has returned.
I totally understand that feeling that when you wake up the first thing you feel is aw [censored] another day. All the flowers and honey in the world don't change this feeling, the happy dog licking your face only makes me cry.
Brain dysfunction? I don't know, situational more likely. It just sucks to live in pain.
"Mad World" the Gary Jules version used to be my favorite song, I find myself listening to it again after several years.
Just keep praying,that's what I tell myself.

p.s. someone linked me to the video on http://www.youtube.com "Are you going to finish strong?" Don't know but it might help somebody.

I understand how you feel. I got out of a 5 year relationship last April and moved down to Atlanta, GA from northern VA to be close to my family. I have been very depressed for the last 10 months, being in a new city has been hard for me as I have no friends here, my cp doctor gives me substantially less pain med's than my doctor in VA, I had a new job but I got laid off last month so It痴 very hard for me right now I decided that I want to start dating again but it is hard for me to get passed the depression(I posted about this in the relationship section). I just try to stay positive. If it wasn't for the emotional support I get from my dad I think i would have tried to end it by now but I realize that's not the solution. I have got back in the gym since I got laid off from my job and that does make me feel better it is hard for me some days as I知 just not the same since I had my accident in the army. I just placed a order for some pain meds from a nrop due to the fact that I am under medicated from my current cp doctor, but I am having second thoughts about going through with the order. I am also thinking about trying to get off of pain meds all together I have been taking percocets since 2005 and since I moved down to GA like I said I have been getting less meds and when I run out I feel so bad. I cant help but think that this contributes to my depression. Does anyone have any advise for getting off of pain medication as I just want to be happy and lead a normal life. I still have pain from the accident that I had in the army, but in being honest with myself I think in the last 10 months I have been taking the pain pills more for depression than for physical pain and I知 starting to think that I would be better off without taking them, instead of constantly going through the emotional roller-coaster when I run out of meds, sorry about rambling on I知 just so thankful that I found this web site as it gives me a chance to hopefully interact with people that have been through similar things in their lives and can give me good advise through their experiences. Thanks to all those people that took the time to read this and respond.---dasani1--

Hi again, I replied to your other post about relationships. I didn't mention that I am also a nurse. Taking the medication for pain that is legit should not be a problem, but if you are taking it to wash away sorrows, then it is a problem. I took percocet after gallbladder surgery 10mg every four hours around the clock for two days then for two more days as needed and from my experience I actually had withdrawls...they were minimum but they were there. That medication didn't do a whole lot for the pain I was having, it seemed to put my mind somewhere else and of course knocked me out! If you really want to get off the meds you can do it if you have the discipline to taper yourself or you could always speak to your doctor about it. He will help you and not judge you, if he is a good doctor.
I personally am a prisoner of xanax. I have been on it for over 3 years. I do have a legit reason to be on it, but if you know anything about this medication it has a very short half life and can actually cause panic attacks to occur due to withdrawls after only 12 hours for me because I take it twice a day or as needed. I never took more than I was supposed to, or for whatever reason...it doesn't make me high....I don't know about others. I recently moved to Alabama and had to find a new doctor, which was hard and embarrassing. She immediately asked me why I was on that medication and why my doctor had me on it for so long. I explained, as painful as it was, and she looked at me and without judgement said I don't prescribe this medication long term due to the fact that it is very addictive and being that you have been on this medication for so long I will taper you from it, but I need your medical records first. YIKES! I don't know if my old doctor will be in trouble because he was weird...I would go see him for a bladder infection and he would write me a prescription for xanax. I could of been there 2 weeks earlier and he would still write me one and as always 3 refills. He also had me on adipex...I weigh 120 pounds, but he said they were for my migraines! I often wondered about him...I probably could have said hey I need this or that and he probably would of wrote out the prescription hahaha.....She seemed way too interested in him and his prescription method.

Anyway, I ramble a lot so just pay no attention.

I am not sure of your tolerance to the medication or how long it takes before you start to feel the withdrawals from it. It is different in every person. You may withdrawal for 3 days and be done but someone that is older would probably withdrawal for a week. You may withdrawal for a week where as someone else would withdrawal for two weeks to a month and so on. It all depends on you and your tolerance levels and metabolism. I have been told that withdrawals from benzos is hell and last for quite sometime, but percocet is different I have been told it is a flu like feeling with stomach cramps. I have actually caught a patient trying to put crushed up percocet into his IV because the doctor cut him off diladid (very potent form of morphine). The guy could of have killed himself. He took water out of the sink crushed up two pills I thought he took and was about to inject this into his vein! The pills were not completely crushed!!!! This dude was going through withdrawals and his doctor still refused to order any IV meds. I really felt awful for the guy. He had a legit reason to be on pain medications and his reason led to his addiction. My reason led to my addiction....which I still am confused about that! Over 3 years at the same strength....I've always been told that you build tolerance and have to have more and more and more, but I am at the same dose and sometimes I just break a 1mg in half instead of taking the whole. Hmmmm....I could always go without and see what happens, but then again most of my medication is all psychological and in my head.

Honestly, it just depends on what you want to do. I want to stop taking xanax, so I am going to taper. I have the discipline to do it and the drive to want to be off it for me and my family...God help them lol....seriously, they are the ones I am more concerned for. I have heard a lot about these withdrawals, they say it is a constant panic attack that will not leave with a splitting headache that last for days and weeks for those that have been taking it long term. That is going cold turkey though. I have no idea what or how my taper will happen, she just prescribed me my normal prescription this time and said we would talk more about it next month.

I swear I think I am the worlds worst about rambling on and on and on.....if you decide to stop the medication just remember to always realize what you are doing and why....in other words don't sub the percocet for alcohol or anything else addictive. Once you have been addicted to a med/drug you are more likely to get addicted faster to the next one. Don't get lost and caught up in that. My new doctor has also informed me that counseling will be part of my treatment to get to the root of my panic attacks and she is more of a spiritual healer than a medicine prescriber. I knew this before seeing her. I think I had already made my mind up to get away from these little devil pills. Embarrassing as it may be, there is always someone out there that has it worse.

Do what is right for you...do what is going to benefit you in a positive way. Exercise is a wonderful way to help relieve stress and can help with the pain you have by strengthening the muscles in your leg, just don't over do it. I am kind of in the same situation you are in being in a unfamiliar area, except my family is in south GA along with all my friends. I have my two daughters, my fiancee, and his two boys. I meet new people because of my profession, but there really isn't any time for me to get out and about with them because my fiancee is in the Army and I always have all four of the children. You know Army life, so you know how that goes. Never home and the mind is constantly running thinking/stressing....or so my fiancee is like that. I gave him a xanax one day. I thought he was just going to crumble he is so stressed out all the time. Anyway, after about 20 minutes he was just sitting on the couch smiling haha the next day he was stressing again scared the benzo would show up in a pee test. I lied and said it wouldn't...he was just too stressed out that night and I think he was about to cry. Nothing wrong with that, but I don't like to see anybody cry. He would like for everybody to believe he is this strong man Army tough, but he is just like everybody else. That is one of the qualities that I love about him. He is himself around me and always has been.
Anyway, my advice is to stay positive. I would say definite yes to the percocet contributing to the depression...good while you have it, but when it is gone you fall into a deeper depression. Exercise....keep it up, it releases the body's natural pain relievers and helps out with stress and pain. Finding a girlfriend....I would wait on that one and get to know yourself a little better after coming off the meds. Look into who you are and what you want out of life. You could start out with being friends with someone and it eventually grow into something more. It is always good to have a good support system...unfortunately mine is going out to the field here in a month and then off to California for a month and then deploying for a year or more.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I am skeptical of SSRIs, so if you do go to see a doctor be ready for them to prescribe them....do research on them first and decide if you want to give them a try. I personally am against them unless you're totally depressed can't get out of bed and want to die....thinking about suicide and fantasizing about it. They are ADDICTIVE! They are not as bad as the benzos, but they too are addictive and doctors usually don't tell you that....just my two cents. I know they have worked wonders for some, but have made others more depressed and unable to stop taking them. NO HIGHS from them it is all messing with chemical brain receptors...xanax does too, but in a different way. Just do your homework on them first is all I am saying.

Good Luck!

Thank you for your kind words and advise. I have decided to give up the percocets and have a appointment with my doctor next week. I am hoping he can help me tapper off these evil little pills as I feel like I have been on them to long and they have started controlling my life. I'm also going to ask him about alternative methods for pain management for my leg that does not involve pills. I hope all is good with you and your finance, just remember that if you two really love each other you can get through anything. I know from experience that army life is hard for loved ones but you can get through it. Again thanks for your advise hope all is well with you , take care---dasani1--

Man,
I have been depressed for the last 10+ years and it does get better, the owrst part is going through the 20 different meds they try out on you until it works, It is hardd but if you have friends and family try to lean on them for support, All I had was my husband and he has been a godsend! With my panic attacks and needing him to go with me everywhere I go and the depression I would not be on this earth! Try and keep smiling!

It is definatly a battle. I myself am on Celexa and Wellbutrin(though gonna replace the celexa with prozac soon). And while its helped I still become very depressed and anti-social/agorophobic. At times i almost felt like doing ECT until I heard about the memory problems it can cause. I also take methadone maintinence due to past opiod dependence. I have been suicidal in the past at times, but I'm very religious and my faith kept me from acting out. I just wish I can find something that makes me feel alive and motivated again, like what adderal does, but without the addiction and side-effects. So far the closest seems to be my wellbutrin but I still at times feel very anhedonic.