I had trouble setting up a poll, and it was turning into posts only. The aim is to use the poll, with its limitations, and add your own post to further elaborate on your feelings about things.

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT AND VOTE ON WHICH APPLIES TO YOU MORE THAN THE OTHER TWO CHOICES, AND YOUR POST WILL HELP DELINEATE FEELINGS NOT INCLUDED IN THE POLL.

THANKS FOR BEING SWEETHEARTS. NO MATTER WHAT, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Soho

D. ( ) We make our own reality and that includes holidays.

I always have traditional family holidays. This year though, I have started to feel really bad for all of my friends that don't really have any family to celebrate with. So tomorrow night I am throwing a pre-Thanksgiving dinner for all of them. I guess I should probably tell my boyfriend that company is a comin'.

Thanks for responding Dennit, I'm going to move this because it didn't come out as a true poll and it's hard for folks to answer. Please hold off until I get it right. Thanks.

E. ( ) My family is spreadout throughout the world which makes it difficult to celebrate.

Honesty, I personally HATE the holidays - *especially* Christmas time.

Everything from Christmas music, decorations, lights, TV advertisements, etc. make me want to vomit. It's very annoying. Ever since I was young, the holiday season has made me feel depressed.

Thanksgiving on the other hand, is a holiday that's always enjoyable for me. Yet, I never want to eat much. Turkey is very dry.

I have feelings about this right now, so thought I'd do something proactive by starting a poll, for sharing, commiserating, or adding your own comments in a post as we move along. The start date is now and the end date is December 15th. THANKS FOR YOUR HELP AND INPUT!

wow...

what a terribly sad way of seeing the world.

i am sorry that you cannot find the joy of friends and family, or at least the memories if you have neither to spend the time with. its not a holiday about you, its about others, as people. even if you have little in life there is someone with less. thanksgiving is simply a moment in time thats given to others to express some gratitude for what you DO have, not what you do not have.

like the saying goes....

the man that had no shoes complained until he met a man that had no feet.
be grateful. it does not hurt.

D. Every year, one less family member is alive or able to show making it very depressing.

and

E. My family makes me feel like a lump of coal...yes, that's the word.

I'm with PinkDiva...the holidays depress me.

I understand that the holidays are a special time to spend with others....but it's not material things I desire.

I'm just not a "holiday" type of person.

There are a couple of questions missing like many don't have family members due to distance or just not having a big family to celebrate with or maybe lots here are orphans.....Some may say....some people become most lonley at holidays......

That's such a special and thoughtful way to help people you know who are distanced by space or not connected to a type of family other than friends. YOU GO GIRL!

And some of us have lost or lost touch with people who belong at a table with us during Thanksgiving. I know, NB, keep pouring it out as you feel. We won't let you feel alone.

I used to love Christmas growing up, I was tied in to a church who had a full time organ player, who taught us how to sing and the hymns would fill my spirit. But I find that the last few years I also hate everything about Christmas. Too much disappointment, eh?

Turkey doesn't have to be dry. It's been overcooked to be dry. Should be moist. We'll get you up a recipe if needed.
Thanks Pink!

Isn't it hard to be grateful all the time? Especially when you hurt? Eluded, I would love to hear something that really comes from your heart that has genuine compassion, to the person you're talking to, about their particular hardship. That would really make an astounding and loving connection. You think?

Yes, more and more people are able to share that experience with others who really understand, and come from families like that. These are the loneliest and hard to bear times for lots and lots of people. That's why it's OK to reach out and connect with someone who hurts too. It's interesting that we all have the same feelings, we hurt when lonely, cry when treated badly, feel powerful when good energy fills us from someone else. A lot of anger is really very deep sadness.

I hope we can change one thing, we can reach to someone who will let us, knowing it's not out of pity but having the same need to feel alive and worth being cared about.

The holidays are my favorite time of year. I am very festive person and decorate for the different ones. My immediate family are all in Maryland, but with everyone's busy schedule... this is the time that we can all get together. Also, we I have a new nephew.. Long story short, my brother and SIL were on a waiting list to adopt a baby for 6 years. They finally got a baby 3 years ago. They received a call from the agency that the birth parents were in fact expecting again and wanted them to have the first choice to adopt this baby. They did and he is now 2 months old. I am always very busy this time of year because we go to the nursing homes and this is my first year I am actually in charge of the XMas celebration.

I'm so glad you joined in teebee. I know you recently got here, and we talked some, and I see in you not just a genuine person, but someone who will join in with jokes and a great sense of humor. You're a strong person, like others who come out and say how it is for them around this time of year.

The thing is that everyone has sad stories. It's about not getting stuck there. Growing up, I never had a Christmas or presents... not once. I had two toys as a little child and on my birthday my mom would take one of them and wrap it up thinking that babies are too stupid to know the difference. I was smart enough to know to pretend so as to make her happy. My clothes had holes in them and my 4th. grade teacher brought me a bag of clothes that her daughter had outgrown and I happily wore those for years.

My family made mistakes but they did the best they could. It doesn't matter!! What's important is to not pass on any negative patterns that were handed down from generation to generation. Happiness does not come from outside ourselves. It is not about what happens to us or what others do or think of us. We really have a lot more control than that.

I have one grandbaby and when I think of her suddenly there is sunshine everywhere and my heart is so full. What more could I need? btw, turkey is my favorite meat and I make it about once a month... just for myself and my dog.

Wendy - I love the double adoption story... love it! So they are true siblings. Thanks for sharing that.

My kids make the holidays special for me, and watching through their eyes. They are 18 now and will soon be off to college, and I am having a hard time with that..

I could pick all of the above SoHo...I've had wonderful holidays with my extended family, and those I wish I could forget. I like many here, have lost parents and loved ones along the way, and the holidays seem to be a time I miss them more...but I try to remember the good memories, and will hope to be around when grandbabies come...although since my kids are only 18, it will be a few yrs down the road. I am also grateful, that I will be at least having one more Christmas with my mom, whos health is not so good!

OK, what sparked this for me - I'm spending Thanksgiving with d, sil, gs in Myrtle Beach. Haven't been invited for several years because that's the way my kid is. She's 35, hasn't changed much with me since she was 15. I know she has deepseated problems from lots of cuts and hurtful things that happened too early, and she just kept them in, adding one after another. Dad and I divorced before she was two, he ignored her, treated her like an orphan when in family gatherings. Her older cousin who she adored, promised she would be at her wedding, but the invitation never came. My kid has a great job, a patient husband, the most wonderful son who's almost two, all the material things.

But she can cut me in half in five minutes with her words. And yesterday listening to her, I realized that's why we were always arguing. Her way of thinking is set in concrete, no matter how I explain my point of view, there is no compromise or real discussion to get to the bottom of what's going on, she takes it around and around and comes back again to the original complaint about me. She truly expects blind agreement (from her mother (me) and then puts together in her mind that I didn't blindly agree with her, so 'I'm trying to get out of coming for the holiday'. Then she alludes to not wanting me to come, so mommy wakes up today with despair that this will never change.

But mommy remembers that there are friends on this board who may have their own heartburn about family, and how neat it would be to share these stories, get validation or helpful input or just "gee that sucks" from each other. We've been through the political jag, maybe it's time for another type of jag for a little while.

Very true statement, Dennit,

We can only make ourselves happy - each person has the ability to create their own reality. If someone wants to be happy and believes in their own positive potential - then they'll have a more rewarding experience in life.

It's more important to value those you love most. The holiday season isn't about materialistic items, but sharing time with family and friends.

What a coincidence because I have one child who is 35 and is just the same as when she was 15. She used to have the same problems with me that I had with my mother. The solution is so simple that it is easily missed. Someone has to be the bigger person and give the other exactly what they want and it matters not one iota whether you believe it to be the truth or not because when you give her what she wants/needs, she will give you what you want/need.

She wants you to acknowledge the original complaint (with blind agreement) and if you can find it in yourself to do so, you will get everything and more than you've ever dreamed possible.



As you know, there are two sides to things. What you say above sounds like your way of thinking is also set in concrete or you guys wouldn't be arguing. Someone has to give it up and I always think it should be the parent. Although it doesn't have to be... whoever is the strongest. What you describe above was just like my mother and myself. She was such a child and I resented it and she resented that I didn't "mother" her. I finally gave in and "mothered" her and for the first time ever... she was able to mother me. Someone had to give in first.

Your daughter is stuck and you can help her by giving her what she wants. Even if she wants you to take the blame for something that you feel is not your fault. You will be giving her the greatest gift possible. She will become un-stuck and will finally be able to see things through your eyes.

Dennit, I'm sure there's truth to what you're saying, and I will think hard about how that would go with Sharon. And I'll be speaking with you more in depth about it along the way, if that's OK. There's something to it, I'm singed along the sides from last night's roasting. And I guess I'm angry at her for going there for her own reasons. It started with her asking how I was, I said I was stuffy, she got testy and declared "Well, don't come if you have a cold". I reminded her she visited two weeks ago and the baby had the sniffles, she said "oh that was allergies or something", when husband had stated clearly he had a cold and now the baby probably caught it. So, she then called me "selfish" and off it went.......

Sorry for venting this, I'm trying to not feel so bad and get things together to leave tomorrow a.m. I could strangle her. Where did that come from?

Now that I have virtually no family left I miss their ability to make Holidays enjoyably depressing....

I have had so many people die in my life that I sat down and made a list and just could not believe it. I've found a couple of tricks that make me feel better about it around the holidays and their birthdays... especially my mother. I think of what would make them proud and focus on doing those things and in that way, I am dedicating this holiday or this birthday to them and it really helps in many ways. One way that it really helps is that it makes "death" seem not so final. If I can think of something to do to make her proud then we are still "interacting" in a way.

Soho - I know exactly how you feel when you say you could strangle her because I have said the same thing many, many times. Sometimes, if I'm feeling vulnerable or down I won't even answer the phone when it's her and just let the machine get it. I have to remind her all the time that I have feelings One day when you are strong and the two of you are alone just hold out your arms and ask her to talk about her pain. If you're lucky, all she will need is acknowledgement that her pain exists. I really feel for you and for me too. It's got to be one of the hardest things to have a child who is 35 but really 15.

Friends, not family, are the key to a longer life, a new study suggests.

Journal reference: Journal of Epidemiological and Community Health (vol 59, p 538)


While previous research has found that strong social networks help older people live longer, the work had not distinguished between contact with friends or relatives.

The new study followed almost 1500 Australians, initially aged over 70. Those who at the start reported regular close personal or phone contact with five or more friends were 22% less likely to die in the next decade than those who had reported fewer, more-distant friends. But the presence or absence of close ties with children or other relatives had no impact on survival.

The reasons are not entirely clear. Friends and confidantes might help with coping in times of stress and difficulty, the team suggests. They might also encourage healthy behaviours, such as seeking help for new medical symptoms.

"And friends are perhaps less likely to be a source of negative stress, which, for some older people, their children can be," says Lynne Giles of Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, who led the work.

It is possible that close connections with friends might have a positive physiological effect on the body, in contrast to the negative effect caused by stress, adds Carlos Mendes de Leon of the Rush University Medical Center, Chicago, US, in an editorial accompanying the paper.

Oh yes Bill, one's friends do become your family as one gets older....

not enjoyable

It all depends on who your friends are and how strong of a friendship you have with them.

That saying has the exact opposite effect with me. Most of my so called "friends" weren't really true friends at all - some were nice to me at first, then we'd have a disagreement and started not getting along - then they basically disappear without notice.

I never understood why because I consider myself to be a very nice, compassionate and easy to get along with type of person. That kind of treatment is awful - I didn't deserve half the things my past "friends" have done to me.

Now, I simply just avoid the whole "social" stuff to avoid being depressed because of anyone.

I had a very dysfunctional family growing up, but my dad loved christmas and always made it special for us.

That being said, I absolutely love the holidays. I have three beautiful sons and they have about ten cousins around the same age. Fortunately, we all live in the same area. So, the holidays are always a nice chance for everyone to catch up.

Believe it or not, there are also four birthdays in the month of december. Two of my sons and two of my nephews. Decemeber is a joyous month because we are all together that month.

I don't know about anyone else, but it's after the holdays that I get very depressed. I have come to believe that I have s.a.d.

January and February are horrible for me. That is when I get the most anxious and depressed. Like, not wanting to get out of bed depression. I am really going to talk with my pcp about this.

This year may be different. I graduate from college (finally!) in december and I plan on starting my own company after the holidays are over. Maybe I can trick my body into thinking that nothing is wrong and I can work through it.

Thanks for listening!

Peace

Dennit, you've said too much that is meaningful to me and my relationship (and your's) to try and do a quote. I don't understand, I can look at what changed in your deprived mother when somebody (you) showed some love for her. She wanted to love you all along, but obviously her people didn't give her enough to work with. In that regard, I relate completely. My daughter is one of those people that I can't understand, she 'acts out' rather than explaining her thinking and often sounds irrational, to me. She's been my greatest blessing because she made me really try to understand and focus on people, which wasn't me at all before she got through to me as a youngster. I know I've done alot of good work since then through the therapy I provide, but if I try to seek out "who she is", she'll angrily tell me to stop analyzing her.

Dennit, the one time she allowed me to ask questions about something my grandson did, run her cat over with a toy truck and broke her leg, I could hear her swallowing so hard and this was by phone. That is a symptom of great fear. Listen to a kid (not a delinquent) who's sent to the principal's office because they're in some kind of trouble. The kid is swallowing so hard he or she can barely talk. Sharon so very rarely allows me to see the real person she is.

I promise to seriously cut down on the morbid stuff now. Sorry, really! Summing things up.....

Well, family and personal issues have led to a deep depression which has led to alot of anxiety, alienation, and lonliness in my life....which has led to my taking an unpaid LOA from work. The holidays are not that great for my kids and I. Thankfully, they don't know the extent of the issues in my life. However, I dropped them off at the family dinner this week and just went home to be alone.

i'm sorry to read that so many are sad or lonely during the holidays. changing someone else's holiday always makes mine better. wish i could bring a special present, wrapped up beautiful with a big bow, with a smile to you at Christmas. then stay awhile and share some stories & really good chocolate candy.

I don't care for the holidays either. My mom went out of her way to make a huge meal that won't get eaten. We have a small, disconnected family. My grandmother preferred to stay home alone, so she wasn't there. My cousin is a clean-freak, so we couldn't invite her since the house isn't spotless, and my mom won't invite her only surviving brother. My boyfriend goes to his mom's, and my son's girlfriend goes to her parents' house.

For several years the kids and I went out to eat for Thanksgiving (no leftovers!) and then we would see a movie afterwards. That was always fun. The kids are grown now, and my mom is older and would rather stay home and eat. My son and I were discussing this yesterday, and we want to go back to our out-to-eat/movie tradition.

I only go to my mom's because it gives her pleasure. The only thing I like about November and December is the holidays off from work. Other than that, it's cold, there is too much temptation to overeat, and I always spend too much money on my now-adult children (Christmas AND birthdays during this time). My son still believes in Santa at age 30, so it is kinda fun to get ready for Santa.

Personally, I don't see a problem being a loner. I have gotten used to doing what I want when I want, and it's a hassle to have to make all that food and have my kids hang around so much. My son even drug me to the mall yesterday - yuck! I don't hate my family, but we just aren't close. My mom is trying to make us closer now that we're old, and I kinda feel bad for her so I go along with it. My grandma has the right idea - stay home and avoid everyone. Since my weird family can't all get together, she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by going to one person's house.

I sincerely hope you did something today that helped you to feel a bit brighter and hopeful, and that the past faded a bit just for awhile. I am truly sorry when a young person feels this way, even when in their 30's or so. Only because I've become old enough now to be really stuck in my ways, and I always "took it for granted" I'd have my daughter somewhere around me, and I might have except for the possessive type of guy she married, who seems to exponentiate the chaos between she and I.

Maybe things are easier to cope with when you're working toward something important to you in school, or have a job that brings out the best in you. I do believe that what I'm facing now was being put off by keeping very busy, and at some time it's necessary to face whatever demons torture you. It's happened to me before, dragged me torn and broken through despair, but when I did heal from that, I realized it would have been much worse to never see the real person, holding onto my illusion, because I would have followed him into hell, fighting tooth and nail for him every bit of the way.

Try and believe that there is an end to the pain you're trying to cope with and understand right now. I've seen it happen with me. And that gives me hope, knowing that if we want strength to accept something on its own terms, even if that means going on without them, we can survive this.

Knafn...

I just got a chance to read your post, and I just want to say that it was an incredibly sweet and nice thing to say. People like you, make this world a better place!

I'd like to add my .02 not to anyone in particular, just wanted to join in this thread. I noticed it just about as soon as SoHo posted, even b4 adding the pole, and have read thru it 3 times trying to figure out exactly how I feel.

Truth is I just don't know. The Holidays are such a mess of emotions for me it's hard to put into words, but I'll try because if I can get it out - well, maybe I can own it and work past some things.

My Holidays as a child were perfect, too perfect I think. Storybook like. I'm grateful, very very grateful - but at the same time I know that we were very sheltered. Catholic upbringing, catholic schools etc. Loads of gifts under our tree, and bunches more from huge extended family. For being catholic, it (Christmas) became rather material instead of spiritual. Which leads me to my turmoil I guess I would say, about the Holidays as an adult - very spiritual woman.

I've lost a lot of people in my life too, and when I see or hear the first hintings of Christmas - I choke up. I try not to do this in front of my children who are 6 and 10. But, at the same time I try to keep it real with them so they won't experience such a big shock of reality later in their lives.

It's really hard to keep that balance when you want your children to have a "magical Christmas" but as an adult you know there really is no such thing.

*sigh* I hope this makes sense. I can't seem to articulate what I really feel - or maybe I did.

Regardless, I truly hope people can have some sort of peace during these Holidays and the months that follow.

but yes, there is such a thing . . . just watching your children experience that magic and knowing you provided that memory for them. it is the best time for a spiritual person - just include the magic of the real meaning of Christmas.

no one is lost. . . the ones who are no longer physically here with you to celebrate, remember that they are really here, watching you and your children, happy to see you pass on tradition and faith.

Thank you for that, knafn. Your words mean a lot. Nice to meet you, too.

nice to meet you too! you are so lucky to have your children. i hope that you will have a truly happy Christmas!

Thanks for joining in all of you, it helps me also to read how each is dealing with this time of year, whether really feeling OK or trying to feel OK, or not OK at all. Rubix, I hear the dilemma you explain, and wonder if the love the adults around you as a child made the "magic" happen, not so much because they were particularly happy, but because making their kids see "magic in Christmas" was so important to them. If so, then they truly were people to be cherished. My prayer for this time of the year, after examining my own feelings, should have been more along the lines of "Lord, rekindle a spirit of joy within me, enable me to leave behind sorrow, despair, emotional needs that wither the spirit, taking comfort in the words of those who wish to heal me, offering healing to those according to Your Will. In faith I will stand undefeated, until this prayer is fulfilled in me to glorify You."

Dear knafn, in my strong times I believe this with all my heart, and in really bad times (based only on my perception and neurosynapses misfiring), truthfully I can't see past my nose.

Hi everyone.. Well for me christmas has always been very very special I love it ,,We had a rough christmas in 2006 and 2007 , my sister was killed , and we all felt the emptiness of her absence in our hearts but still felt her wanting us to be the family we were before her tragic death. I had to take charge and make sure mom and daddy were as happy as they could be and tried my hardest to make the holidays not just bearable but joyful as my sister would want us to be.. For me christmas which was always wonderful before, it is now stronger with my family, now that we have loved each other so much and held on to each other for solis and comfort through the tears ,to be able to still have my mom and daddy with me makes my christmas shine brighter ,,, take care everyone , and Happy Holidays sincerely Faith

Dear Soho,

I hope you had a good time at your daughters house and had fun playing with the baby.

I thought of a tool that I often use that I'd like to share with you. It's obvious that your daughter has a problem putting her feelings into words and acting out often results in emotions bouncing off the walls while we bob and weave to not get hit. This is what I often do; I listen and listen and listen... sometimes I have to bite my tongue because I don't agree or feel that if only I could make her see my point of view.... but that never works so I don't say anything except for listening sounds and then when she finally stops and it's obvious she is waiting for a response, I say this: what can I do to help? Nothing more. I have it written on the wall by the phone. Sometimes I write it on the back of my hand while I'm listening.

It is the perfect thing to say and it's wonderful to have such a tool. It's especially effective when the content of the conversation had been complaining about you because it is offering unconditional love and it's impossible for it to turn into an argument. She knows that if the situation were reversed, she would become defensive and to hear your offer from the heart instead might be a step toward getting closer. It sounds like she is doing something very common. Avoiding fear by pushing it down so deep that it's impossible to talk about it.

sorry, i know this is sappy (is that a word?) but my feeble attempt, for what it's worth



smile, kids: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yS2Tp_Cs1nM

laugh, seniors: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5OAxe5JVqY

cry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWPVVz-vcMI

knafn - thank you again for helping me "see" the magic

and SoHo - so, so true. Being so sheltered as kids, we didn't know what our parents were going thru. Maybe that was a blessing. Thank you also for opening my eyes.

Faith and everyone who has lost loved ones, I offer my condolences. May peace be with you this season.

a million thank yous !!

Thank you so much for your sweet words rubix,,, hugs to everyones family ,,, take care everyone sincerely Faith

Dear Faith,
finding a light within yourself that transcends the depths of such tragedy is truly a gift. I can almost sense the tremendous amount of light that surrounds you and your parents, and I feel blessed that you would share this with me and the others here. Thank you, soho

Dear sweet Dennit, thank you for not forgetting me and your words were read last night soon after this actually happened with Sharon. I am grateful for you. I did bite my tongue, and she screamed at me, but it was different. She was rational, and the words she said were true. In my early years "I was mean". I heard her. She and I were exhausted, it only took a few minutes, but something changed, it was different. I know that she felt heard, "that I gave her something she needed", as you said before. I'll continue to work on this excellent advice, and I believe that somehow (however these things work) you and others here generated healing for it to even get this far. Thank you.

awwww thank you soho.... life is so hard sometimes when we are trapped not only in our grief but our bodies,while i have always been very spiritual iam still learning every day to find more beauty in what we have in our familys and friends and the strength in all our souls which is so important when we feel down and out. I have learned the hard way in losing a piece of my heart when my sister left our world as many here know that feeling of loss in all sorts of different ways , but in seeing the lights and love of mankinds true souls in the holiday season gives us all a reason to smile .. even if its just for a moment , take care sincerely Faith

Rubix, thank you for, as always, finding just the right way to add some magic to a topic. Somehow, you did hold onto a good bit of that magic, and even if you didn't see it as such, the crystals were blinking as I watched the videos. HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND TO ALL.


Knafn - went back and saw that you sent the videos, but I guess the stardust fairy had me see them under Rubix's post.
Sorry, and thank you for the wonderful and touching videos.

Depressing...my brother and sister don't get along. Sadly, my mom won't be joining us this upcoming holiday. We are quite dysfunctional.

I tried to make the best of it but it was not that great. I still tried to have love & thankfulness in my heart but since my father died 30 yrs ago, our family has just fallen apart. One of my brothers drank himself to death because he felt guilty about my dad, my other brother became a religious fanatic, my oldest sister lives in la la land, her kids are so selfish and mean to her she pretends they are fabulous and her life is fabulous when it really just fabulously sucks, my other sister is a manic depressive. My husband keeps me going and my animals and my spirituality. My only child and I used to be so close but since she married, she has changed and not in a positive manner. I love her but truth be told, its not much fun to be around her unless everything is all going her way. So you are not alone in having a dysfunctional family.

Dear Rock and Shellee, Thanks for posting and sharing, it's painful, but you see how many here understand what it's like especially this time of the year. So, we find joy where we can, hope in the fact that 'it ain't over til it's over and even then it ain't over' quoted from Yogi Bera, baseball coach and the guy who also said 'it's deja vu all over again'. Both of you take care and wishing you some real joy, a little spark within your hearts, through the season.

terrible!

Sorry I arrived too late to get in on this one.
It was some great reading. Thanks for all the honesty and sharing.

The holidays are over and it's back to normality (what passes for it) and I am relieved.

Holidays, especially Christmas were great, when I was a child. We had a large extended family and meals at home and Grandma's house.
But things have changed. Family has moved away and died off.
My Mother held things together, for those few remaining, but she died suddenly last December 3rd (2007).
We went through the motions December 25, 07, but this year my sister decided to stay home in the mountains, with her old friends and I spent the day alone.
Had my "Christmas" at my best friends house on the 26th and that was great.
My sister came down for New Years and we went through the motions. I felt a little tense, but thats why they make Valium :>) It was enjoyable, but I think we both feel lost without Mom.
No idea where I'll be next year, but hope it's not here.
Change is the only constant, but I have accepted that, so the situation is a little sad but not extremely "depressing".

Best wishes for a better 2009 for all !

i feel bad for all who are grieving, sad and dysfunctional, especially during the holidays. i lost a very close loved one in 08 and i know what that 'empty spot' that feels like. my family has always been dysfunctional, but i kind of look at it like a family with 'character'. maybe we all have at least a little dysfunction in our families.

i hope that all of you fare much better this year and find some peace and hapiness in your lives!